Saturday, November 19, 2005

Morning folks. Today's rib-ticklers are from Peter:

A 10-year-old boy was walking down the street when a car pulled up beside him and its window was wound down.

"I'll give you a bag of candy if you get in the car," said the driver.

"No way, get stuffed!!" replied the boy.

"How about a bag of candy and $10?" the driver asked.

"I said no way!" replied the irritated youngster.

What about a bag of juicy candy and $50, eh?" quizzed the driver, still rolling slowly to keep up with the walking boy.

"No! I'm not getting in the frickin' car!" answered the boy.

"Okay, okay. I know what you want. I'll give you $100 and a bag of candy.

"How many times do I have to tell you - NO!" screamed the boy.

"What will it take to get you into the car?" asked the driver with a long sigh!

The boy replied: "Listen Dad, you bought the Volvo, you live with it!"

From Big Dave:

A man was selling his hang-glider to his best friend's great surprise. "Why?" the friend asked. "You've always loved hang-gliding."

So the man explained. I just heard this story about two old-timers hunting in the hills when suddenly they both looked up, startled at something in the sky. One of them lifted a rifle and fired. The other man said, "What the heck kind of bird was that?" The shooter said, "Dunno." So his buddy asked, "Do you think you got him?" The man replied, "Can't say. But I sure made him drop that man he was carryin'."

And last, but not least, from my little babushka, Jude:

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.

Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung?
A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose..

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: Because they are practicing to be men.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him, or three - one to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their mates after Mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women . ?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your email?
A: Rename the folder to "Instructions Manuals".

Enjoy your day folks and stop by tomorrow, if you can.

Trucker Bob blogged at 2:51 AM

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