Saturday, December 17, 2005

Morning folks. This week's contributors are Booper and Huggy, and since I'll be having Xmas dinner with her, and don't want to have to hire a food-taster, we'll start with Boop's:

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then shuddered for 10 or 15 seconds.The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and shuddered again.

The man was becoming more and more curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed one more time. Again she took a tissue, gently wiped her nose and shuddered violently.

The man could'nt restrain his curiosity. He turned to the woman and said, "Are you alright?" "I'm sorry if I disturbed you", the woman replied, "I have a rare condition; when I sneeze I have an orgasm". The man was a little embarrassed but even more curious and said, "I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?" The woman looked at him and said "PEPPER".

Now Huggy's:

Female Vs. Male Definitions

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...Any part under a car's hood.
Male.......The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male........Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings through words.
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female...A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male... ....Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
girlfriend or wife.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female...A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male.......Anything that starts with alcohol, involves flatulence, and
ends with sex.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female...An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male.......A source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up having sex.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male........A contol device (that gives a great sense of power to the
holder) for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

********************
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT.

1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK.
- She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER.
- She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not EASY.
- She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.

4. She is not DUMB.
- She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has not BEEN AROUND.
- She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an AIRHEAD.
- She is REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY.
- She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.

8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS.
- She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not NAG YOU.
- She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.

10. She is not a SLUT.
- She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS.
- She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.

12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE.
- She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a BEER GUT.
- He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

2. He is not a BAD DANCER.
- He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME.
- He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not BALDING.
- He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER.
- He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK.
- He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS.
- He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG.
- He has SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT.
- He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED

10. He is not HORNY.
- He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants.....
- It is REAR CLEAVAGE

Have a decent day folks, and if you can, drop by tomorrow for another Robert Service poem.

Trucker Bob blogged at 3:32 AM

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