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Saturday, December 31, 2005



The Kiwi And The Gorilla

An Australian Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.

To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the park management noticed Ed, a New Zealander, responsible for cleaning the animals cages.

Ed, like most New Zealanders, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution.

Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only on three conditions.

"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her."

"Secondly, you must clip her claws so I don't get scratched to death."

The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, then asked what his third condition was.

"Well," said Ed, "You'll have to give me three weeks to save up the $500."

Tiger, Tiger Burning Bright

A couple were on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."
The husband replies, "That's no big thing these days."
The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."
"Oh yeah? Who was that?"
"Tiger Woods."
"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"
"Yeah."
"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."
The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.
"What are you doing?" asks the wife.
The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that. "
"Oh no? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get some food."
"Tiger wouldn't do that."
"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"
"He'd come back to bed and do it one more time."

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife one more time.
When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.
The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"
"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what par is for this damn hole.


Trucker Bob Image hosting by Photobucket blogged at 3:37 PM

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