One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted
to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "Detroit Red Wings."


A New Position

Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife : Sure. You stand by the ironing board
and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!

The Perfect Breakfast

You're sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Your mistress is on the cover of Playboy.

Your wife is on the back of the milk carton.


A female computer consultant was helping a smug male set up his computer and
she asked him what word he would like to use as a
password for login.

Wanting to embarrass the lady, he told her to enter "PENIS."

Without blinking an eye or saying a word, she entered the password as he
requested. She nearly exploded from refrained laughter as the computer
displayed the message in response:
"PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH."

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass
every night.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
Foreplay is optional.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend
from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices
your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
You never have to drive to another gas station
because this one's just too icky.
Same work... more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don't have to leave the room to make
emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you're
talking to them.
Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
The occasional well-rendered belch is
practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
feet.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having
great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you
with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, all the time.

*****************************

P.S. No matter how many times I've tried to

position the words "Great To Be A Man",

they insist on sneaking up.