In the Driver's Seat
Musing, Nattering, and Time Wasting by a Reluctantly Retired Long-Haul Trucker
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Mildred and Earl
Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.
"Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
No Fool He
A man goes to a gorgeous female urologist for an exam. The doctor says, "I am going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then, while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say 99". The guy obeys and says, "99!!!"
She says, "Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say 99". Again, the guy says, "99."
She then says, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I am going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I am going to hold on to your penis. Now take a deep breath and say 99." The guy says, "One...two...three..."
Newlyweds
A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is not all that experienced either. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses.
He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring" he says, "I know dis you firss time an you velly frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. Wha you want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan try somethin I hear about... Numbaa -69".
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he replies..."You wanna... Chicken wiff broccori ?
Mildred, 93, was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl, so she decided to just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to learn her heart's exact location.
"Since you're a woman," the doctor said, "your heart is just below your left breast. Why do you ask?" She hung up without answering.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.
No Fool He
A man goes to a gorgeous female urologist for an exam. The doctor says, "I am going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then, while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say 99". The guy obeys and says, "99!!!"
She says, "Great. Now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say 99". Again, the guy says, "99."
She then says, "Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I am going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I am going to hold on to your penis. Now take a deep breath and say 99." The guy says, "One...two...three..."
Newlyweds
A Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is not all that experienced either. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses.
He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring" he says, "I know dis you firss time an you velly frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. Wha you want?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress her.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan try somethin I hear about... Numbaa -69".
More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he replies..."You wanna... Chicken wiff broccori ?
Trucker Bob
blogged at 3:35 AM
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