A FAVOR

A young woman on a flight from Mexico asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course, what may I do for you?" the priest replied. "Well, I bought an expensive hair dryer for my mother's birthday. It's unopened and over my customs limits. I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through for me? Under your robes, perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie," said the devout man. "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they reached the customs area, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed for a woman's use, but which is, to date, unused." The official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next."

DANGER

Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign posted on the glass door saying, "Danger! Beware of Dog!" Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor beside the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

LICENSE

An immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye test. The optician showed him a card with the letters, "C-Z-W-I-X-N-O-S-T-A-C-Z." "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the guy replied, "I know the guy."

PARTY GIRL

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about three months ago." John says, "Susan? About three months ago?" Susan says, "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport." John says, "Oh, yeah. Susan! How are you?" Susan replies, "I'm pregnant by you and I'm going to kill myself." John says, "Say, you really ARE a good sport!"

POOR DOGGIE

After hearing a shot, Hank ran next door and found his friend Tony crying. "Say, what's wrong?" Hank asked. Tony sobbed, "I had to shoot my dog." Hank said, "My God! Was he mad?" Tony replied, "Well, he wasn't exactly overjoyed."

SHEEP DOG BRA

The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women, has encouraged the designers to come out with a bra for over-endowed women. It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra." It rounds them up and points them in the right direction.

VET VISIT

Bert took his dog to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" Bert replied, "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."