Saturday, August 26, 2006
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come togeder.
I come once-a-more
Two asses, they come togeder again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'."
I'VE GOT $5.00 THAT SAYS YOU'RE GONNA READ THIS AGAIN
Thanks to Jude.
Watch what you say
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Again thanks to Jude
Hiemlich ManeuverTwo men from Texas were sitting at a bar when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged.
One Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help." He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his hands and asked "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head "No." He asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping, she again shook her head "No."
With that he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her underwear and licked her ***. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the bit of hamburger that was stuck and began to breathe on her own. The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."
Trucker Bob blogged at 5:08 AM
Friday, August 25, 2006
Morning folks. So, how are things down at your end of the berry patch? Hope all is okay. It's pretty well the same ol' same ol' around here, just waiting patiently for another CT scan. I have a good feeling about things after doing a bit of research on here.
It seems that the drug I take to keep Timmy in line, like most other drugs, eventually weakens in it's effectiveness. Also of course, a body builds up a resistance. So I don't really fear that the tumor is getting bigger, and hopefully a new drug that was mentioned to me will get things back on an even keel. It will mean going into the Cancer Clinic once a week, but I'd go in every day if need be.
One of the bummer aspects of this little setback is the RV situation. Thanks for asking Dave. I had finally settled on a 34' Winnebago Elandon AND, through my son Bob, found a parking spot for it. In fact I had a check made out for it, subject to inspection etc., when I heard from the doctors. So until this thing is resolved, I'll put that on the back burner.
I see that the US Marines, in a desperate effort to fulfil Smirky McSwagger's global ambitions, are having to call up reserve members that thought they had served their duty by already having done 2 or 3 tours in Iraq. So I guess it won't be long until we see this. Ya think?
Sorry for not answering your comments in a timely fashion, but it's guilt feelings that got this much out of me. That, plus I miss the kibbitzing with you guys. This won't last long and soon, hopefully, I can get back to some snark.
Trucker Bob blogged at 3:28 AM
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Morning folks. Sorry for being a little slack on the posting. I did have what I thought would have been a cute post for Sunday, with L'il Bear and his new friend, but Blogger was a bit messed up and I couldn't post the images. They seem to have the problem corrected now, albeit a bit late.
I've heard from the doctors concerning the last blood work results, and I'm scheduled for another CT scan as soon as they can get me in. They wouldn't come right out and say it but the impression I got was that Timmy might be getting bigger. It doesn't really surprise me because I've lived with this long enough now that I can tell when something is not right.
The plumbing seems to have cleared up without having had to go in with the "Roto-Rooter". I've had that done before, and that is not a lot of fun.
Speaking of fun, let's lighten this up a bit. What do cowboy hats and hemorrhoids have in common?
They can sometimes both be found on an a**hole. C'mon now, it's been a while since I've done a little Bush-whackin'.
Hope you're all doing well, and don't be concerned about me. This is just a little blip compared to how far I've come with this.
Trucker Bob blogged at 3:27 AM
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Sorry about the missing image, but Blogger won't load it, or any for that matter. Oh well, no biggie.
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
Thanks to Jude
Q: How can you tell if a man is well-hung?
A: When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Two elderly men were having a conversation about sex. Elmer says, "Yes, I did it three times last night with a 30-year-old!" Leon replies, "You're kidding! I can't even manage to do it once. What's your secret?" Elmer said, "Well, the secret is to eat lots of whole wheat bread. I'm not kidding!" So, the second old man rushed to the store. The clerk asks the old man, "May I help you?" "Yes, I'd like four loaves of whole wheat bread, please," said Leon. "That's a lot of bread. It's sure to get hard before you're done!" the clerk remarked. Leon replies, "Damn! Does everyone know about this except me?"
Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home, if a pet dog strays it's because of a lack of affection at home, if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home, but if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
President George W. Bush decides it is time to do some public relations at a local Washington DC nursing home. The President begins his "tour" down the main hallway and passes by a little old man who doesn’t seem to notice him. Sensing this, President Bush backtracks to the resident and asks, "Do you know who I am?" The little old man looks up from his walker and says, "No, but if you go to the front desk, they will tell you your name."
Kind of feeble, but I just wanted to make the effort.
Trucker Bob blogged at 3:32 AM
Friday, August 18, 2006
Morning folks. Guess it's time to show up and let you know how I'm doing before you slip another mule into my stall. Can't believe how time flies even when you're not having any fun.
I seem to be over the latest flare-up of the tumor, even my eyesight is back to normal. I've got to admit it took a lot out of me, and the other problem that cropped up didn't help things.
It seems that when I "worked out" the kidney stone situation I ripped up the drain pipe enough to cause an infection that went up into the bladder. I've never been much of a singer, but I can yodel with the best of them now when I'm "doing my duties". YEOWEEE!
On a more pleasant note I truly appreciate the e-mails and phone calls checking on me. Because of the life I led I was used to basically being alone, but at times like this I realize how important having people in your life is. Gives me the warm fuzzies to know that through this simple blog I've made a connection to people that care. I must mention that I feel the same way, if you're hurtin', I'm hurtin'.
On the RV front I'm still interested in buying a motor-home, and have in fact found another that fits the bill, but I still haven't found a place to park it. I thought I had one for $100/month until the guy wanted the first year in advance, in cash, and upon checking learned he didn't even own the property. I must look even dumber than I am.
Hey Goob, I'll bet you wouldn't have any trouble getting your little ones ready for school if they had this to ride in. Hell, I'd go back to school if they'd let me drive it.
Sorry for being a stranger, but "stuff" happens. Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things again because I do enjoy the community here. See ya soon.
Trucker Bob blogged at 4:17 AM
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Morning folks. Thought I'd drop in and let you know that I'm still here, in spirit at least. Feel like something the cat coughed up, but it will get better I'm sure. In the meantime let's have a few ha-ha's.
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
On a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee!
"Invite us to your next blowout."
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push"
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up.
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."
On another Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"We're Number One in Number Two."
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to have a leak."
Thanks to Jim Nicholson
Trucker Bob blogged at 4:39 AM
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Morning folks. I guess confession truly is good for the soul, because since fessin' up yesterday about not feeling the best, already things seem better. Now at least I can sit at the 'puter and not feel guilty about not posting. As for the physical part, this is just a little setback. I've been in a lot worse shape and handled it, so this is just a little blip.
Sometimes I carry the 'no whining' a little too far because if I am to consider you all a part of my "blog family", and I do, being open and honest is a part of that. Sharing means everything, the good and not so good, not just cherry-picking the feel-good parts.
It's been pointed out to me that sometimes things happen for a reason, which I believe, and this will probably turn out to be a good thing for me. Gives me time to prioritize, because frankly I was getting a bit too exuberant with my plans. When my family learned of my plans to go on the road full-time I got what could be charitably called a reality check. Boy, did I ever! So for now at least I'll be a good boy, but one day......heh heh.
Hope all is well with you guys, and I'll probably see you tomorrow.
Trucker Bob blogged at 5:17 AM
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Morning folks. Before you send the dogs out looking for me I guess I'd better explain my absence. While things in general are fine with me, I am going through another chapter in the ongoing struggle with Timmy.
After the last "episode" I had some blood work done, and frankly the results could be better. They are not nearly as bad as they have been in the past, but still a concern.
I know it's folly to diagnose yourself, but I feel I just overdid it a bit with the trip, RV shopping etc. It was so great to be back out there that I think I was running on adrenaline because you couldn't slow me down, but eventually the body steps in and says "whoa big fella".
So before it becomes a problem I think I'll "chill" for a while. All of the things I want to do can be done anytime in the future, but only if I pace myself. Besides, I'm getting behind on my nattering and goofing around.
In this video the black car is the way I acted on the trip and now I'm paying the price. Next time out I'll be the other car.
BMW From Hell - video powered by Metacafe
Take care guys.
Trucker Bob blogged at 3:26 AM
Saturday, August 05, 2006
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra".
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "Well, you wear shorts!"
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of s**t?
A: The bucket.
Any woman that thinks the way to a man's heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "your sense of humor".
Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 Pounds.
Q: And between a husband and a boyfriend?
A: about 45 minutes.
Set It Free
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.
It's the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do taste association. 'I'll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is,' she tells the children. So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says, 'What flavor is that?'
The whole class answers 'Mmmm, that's cherry.'
'Very good,' the teacher replies. So she gives them all a grape and they reply, 'Mmm, that's grape.'
'Very good,' she says again.
Then she gives them all a honey flavor. The whole class sits perplexed by the strange taste, so the teacher says 'OK, I'll give you a hint, it's something your parents might call each other.'
Billy spits his out on the floor and yells, 'Spit 'em out everyone, they're A**HOLES!'
Trucker Bob blogged at 3:52 AM
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Morning folks. Well, that hiatus didn't last long. What prompts me to show up today is the mention of trucks/RV's in some of your comments.
An expression I've used for years, too soon we get old, and too late we get smart, has never been truer than now. Let me explain.
When I had to come off the road because of Timmy, I held on to the truck for a year before I sold it. Being mostly concerned with surviving at the time I didn't, or couldn't, look far enough ahead to envision the situation I'm in now.
Since I'm so anal about looking after my vehicles, that truck was in excellent condition, had been paid off for years, and would have made an excellent motor-home. For less money than I'll have to pay for some used piece of c**p I could have made an RV out of it that would outlast me by a longshot.
Dave mentioned finding a hobby, something to keep my hands busy, and oh my!, wouldn't that have been a labor of love. What an absolute thrill that would have been to travel the same roads, in the same truck, and as Hoss says, with no schedules to worry about.
Over the years I've known a few fellows that made a motor-home out of their trucks, and always thought, what a great idea. But as I said, I had other things on my mind. too late we get smart.
Other than beating myself up about that, all is well with me. Our weather is back to normal for this time of year, so I'm back to walking a bit. Took the camera with me yesterday intending to make a DV but figured you'd seen enough of the beach. It's only a couple of hours to being in the mountains, so maybe I'll do that and take a few while I'm there.
It's often said that you shouldn't hide your "light" under a bushel, well just go to Jude's site and look at the photographic talent she's been hiding. Good stuff Dudette!
Hope all is well with you guys, and thanks for stopping by.
Trucker Bob blogged at 3:25 AM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Morning folks. Just popped in to say hey howdy, and to let you know that all is well me. After yesterday's pathetic effort (games, sheesh!) maybe it's time to take a break from posting daily and get caught up on visiting.
Having been home 3 weeks now, and not accomplishing anything, makes me realize that taking me off the road is like taking a fish out of water. While out there, even with all the driving, motel rooms etc., I couldn't wait to post my day's events. Now I sit here staring at a blank screen.
It hasn't taken me long to get back into the bad habits, can you say ice cream and non-stop snacking? As long as I had a steering-wheel in my hand I wasn't reaching for the fridge door, so it's time to either find something else to reach for, hmmm, or get off my butt and buy a motor-home.
Take care guys, and behave yourselves, because I'll be watching you.
Trucker Bob blogged at 5:45 AM